The Secret to Effective Self Love

This is something that took me a long time to learn.

I always thought of self love as being something to make myself feel better in the moment. I would eat to make myself feel better. I would buy things that came with a claim of bringing me happiness. I would spend hours doing things that made me feel better for a moment, but in the long run either didn’t offer lasting effects or eventually made me feel worse.

When I eventually learned what things brought me lasting happiness and a way to actually love who I was, my life improved considerably.

I found that the little things that used to always bug me, didn’t seem so bad anymore. I came to love who I was and what I looked like. I found my now husband that I have been with for just over 3 years now. I found the courage to get in front of the camera for a boudoir shoot (more on that later). And I am happier now than I ever was, regardless of what shows up to try and bring me down.

This is something that I wrote earlier this year, but I felt needed to be shared again, given how many people I’ve heard talking about feeling unhappy, feeling tired, feeling burned out. Here’s the post:

Self Love is about loving who you are and believing that you are worthy of being loved. If you can believe this, then it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks of you or if anyone else likes you, you will never be lonely or unloved.

Self Love is not about doing things that have short lived results. These things are fun and certainly have a place in our self care routine, but focusing on these things alone just isn’t enough. The results will not last and you will, in the end, feel no different than you did beforehand.

We need things that have long lasting effects. Meditation, Visualisation, Loving our own Company, Speaking Kindly to ourselves, Believing in ourselves, Taking Time Out for ourselves to Explore and Marvel at the World and its Beauty. These things give a long lasting feeling of love and peace in our lives, but they are very sadly lacking in the lives of so many people in the world today. We, the people, have been sucked into a consumeristic lifestyle and there are so many who are crying out for more, but don’t know where to look or begin. Perhaps you are one of them?

We should, in a perfect world, be able to look in the mirror and love what we see without makeup or cosmetic surgery, for in every woman there is an unique, stunning beauty shining from within. Unfortunately, this is often covered up by beliefs fed to us by the world around us, which try to convince us that we aren’t good enough just as we are. But we are. We are perfect and beautiful just the way we are, without any alterations or changes.

Makeup can be fun to use and experiment with, to reflect how we are feeling, our personality or just to match an outfit. There is nothing wrong with liking makeup. But that is what its sole purpose should be: creative expression, not the way to be considered beautiful.

But back to the Western World’s consumeristic lifestyle. We have been led to believe that we must have the latest and greatest stuff all the time. We think that we have to have the big house, the new car, the latest technology and a high paying job to be happy. So, why then are we so unhappy? Why are we crying out for something more?

It is because, as I mentioned in the beginning, it is the things that give long lasting effects that truly allow us to experience happiness and love from within ourselves.

Think about it: people work full time hours, quite often at a job they hate, so that they can afford the big house and fancy car and other things. They then get very little time to use and enjoy these things because they spend so much time working to afford them. Does that sound like the path to being happy? Didn’t think so.

Rather than investing all our money and time into buying new things all the time, invest some money and time into experiences instead. Stuff eventually breaks down or gets used up, but memories and feelings last a lifetime and it is these that require us to look at the world and who we are anew and to keep on loving and learning.

This is what we are here on earth for: to experience life and the world, new activities, new places, new cultures. To have an open mind and to spread love and peace wherever we go.

You don’t need to travel far to do so either. Even just seeing a new place in your area where you don’t normally go, going to a new restaurant or café or having a conversation with someone new is a great way to gain a new experience. Or if you want to start a little closer to your comfort zone, just begin to pay more attention to the big picture and the little details of the places you go everyday (there’s always something new to see), order something different than your usual next time you go out for dinner or bring up a new topic of conversation with people you know and see where it goes to gain a whole new perspective in that area.

Things are a great way to make yourself feel better for a moment in time. But for lasting happiness and love that comes from within, invest in experiences.

Because when all is said and done and the things you’ve had in life are gone, those memories and feelings that you have experienced during your life will be all that you will have left.


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